Lolly Lolly Lolly

There are many commercials out there that I don't much care for, but now and then I come across commercials which irritate me to no end, because they have dreadful implicit messages, many of which seem counter-productive to their own goals. This evening I came across one such commercial.

You see, the commercial in question (whose creators I would like to shake) is for Rogers Cable On Demand. Here's the basic gist of it:

We pan through a room in disarray whilst the sounds of bickering children are heard. Finally we settle on a dad with his three kids (daughters all, I believe) and he puts on Fairly Odd Parents (which is a surprisingly enjoyable little show, by the way). Everything grows quiet and mom arrives to ask how the day was, and dad says fine, or somesuch. First of all, there's the stereotype of a dad whose kids run free until he slaps them in front of a TV. Heaven forbid we should encourage real parenting in which we actually address behaviours rather than just shutting them up. But here's the real clincher, which makes me wonder what they're really trying to say is so great about their product. As the kids watch that brilliantly on-demand programming, they are literally slumped there, unblinking and slack-jawed and essentially in a walking coma. Seriously. If you get a chance to see this commercial, pay attention to them. It's not exactly a glowing advertisement for stimulating pasttimes. What are they thinking? "Get Rogers On Demand so you can fall back on ineffective parenting, limited familial interactions, and to undernourish your intellect." Idiots.

On a more positive note, I came across this curious little on-line article today. It seems that someone somewhere has created Kool-Aid Pickles. I can't quite decide whether to be mortified or intrigued. They look so ridiculously disconcerting, with their whacked-out colouring, and I'm not sure if pickles should have cherry-flavouring at all. I will admit that I once bought these Raspberry Vinaigrette pickles, and though pleasant enough, I can't imagine eating them all that often.

Rockets and Rocks

So, I'm flipping channels and I stop, briefly, on the shopping channel while they're promoting the Rocket Grill. I'm not sure why I stopped, since I never watch that channel, but something told me that stupidity was on the horizon. Not 30 seconds after I arrived on the channel, they made the assertion that the grill can reduce fat by up to 300%. (Go ahead and click on that link and you'll see that in the description, too.) Now, immediately my logic centre kicked in and I thought, "Humina-Huh? How can you reduce fat by 300%?" You see, that means that if you ate a hotdog, for example, cooked in the Rocket Grill, it not only would contain NO fat (a 100% reduction in fat), but it would also mystically remove the fat of two more hotdogs from your body (the remaining 200%). So, if the Rocket Grill can reduce fat by 300%, it'd be the best diet plan ever! Furthermore, the rambling woman said that it would reduce cooking time by up to 300%, indicating, therefore, that if you chose to cook a five-minute hotdog in the Rocket grill, it would be ready ten minutes before you began! Now THAT's the grill for me and my hectic life!

I've sent a querie to the shopping channel, so we'll see if they respond. I have my doubts.

I also saw a little thing the other day about taking the ashes of a cremated loved one and having their carbon turned into a diamond which you can wear proudly as jewelry. I'm not sure how I feel about this whole thing. Is it any creepier than having Aunt Mable in a jar on the mantle? Still, it just seems a bit extreme, compared with the old "scattered to the wind" approach. (Personally, I hope someone has me made into a nipple ring so they can keep me close to their heart.)

(Okay, I've found another site for the Rocket Grill, and this one has two variations on the 300% theme. In one place, it says, "Cooks 3X faster*". The asterisk leads you below where they go on to explain that it means faster than oven broiling. Then it says, "Removes 3X the fat**" and **vs. pan frying hamburger. Up top, though, it says, "Cut your cooking time by 3X", which is another illogical statement. People should be careful that they say what they actually mean. Of course, people hear these types of statements and go "300%? Wow! That's amazing! Give me the number to call!" The best thing about this site? It's "hosted" by a gal named Sissy Biggers. Yep. Seriously. But it's not even porn. Not at all. Look closely and after she shares a word or two with you about the Rocket Grill, she just stands there staring vacantly at you, moving ever so slightly all the while, in a looped animation. She probably felt pretty cool filming that. "Just smile for the camera. Smile for the camera. How much freakin' longer? Just keep smiling...")