Nervosity

I am a person of contraditions. I know it, my friends know it, but there it is. I'm outgoing, friendly, I work in jobs with very high levels of human interaction, yet I have a shy streak when off of my own turf.

I also perform regularly in plays, musicals, and a dinner show. Slap me in a show in front of an audience and I'm fine. I've yet to have an episode of stage fright in my performance career. Ask me to sing in church, though, and the nerves appear.

And then there are auditions. I hate auditions. I'm fine before I go in. I'm fine when I come out. In between, though, I'm pretty much a freak.

On Saturday I had a vocal audition for Chicago and, although I felt good about the singing itself, my body was uncooperative and I was more than a bit noticeably quavery. Since it was a director with whom I've never worked, I was worried, of course, that he would believe I might be a wreck on stage.

Then this morning I had a dance audition. You want to talk stress? Picture me in a room packed with dancers (some of whom are dancers to the hilt), and ask me to learn the choregraphy (with no clear sightlines to the choreographer's feet) in a hurry. Yeesh! Still, I was doing reasonably well until the tap part. YIKES! Humiliation ran rampant. I have a little tap experience but there was NO WAY I was going to identify the sounds/steps/sequences/routines at full-speed on the fly. HUMILIATION, I say.

In the end, after a lengthy and nerve-wracking callback period, I've wound up as a dancer/ensemble member in the show, which should be wicked fun. Based on the short Fosse-esque routines we worked on as part of the audition today (do NOT include the horrendous tap segment in that), methinks it's going to be mighty pickin' fun to do.

Let's be honest, though. If you'd asked me a couple of years ago, "Do you expect to be cast as a dancer in a show anytime soon?" I probably would have responded, "No, no, no. Be not so very silly ... " (I spoke quite dramatically a few years ago, apparently) "... though I will likely be dancing in a show, I don't foresee being considered a dancer exactly."

All I can say is that I'm going to be Fosse-ing all over the place for the next while. Jazz hands in the produce aisle. Rolling shoulders while taking out the recycling. That sort of thing. I'll likely be unbearable.