Rockets and Rocks

So, I'm flipping channels and I stop, briefly, on the shopping channel while they're promoting the Rocket Grill. I'm not sure why I stopped, since I never watch that channel, but something told me that stupidity was on the horizon. Not 30 seconds after I arrived on the channel, they made the assertion that the grill can reduce fat by up to 300%. (Go ahead and click on that link and you'll see that in the description, too.) Now, immediately my logic centre kicked in and I thought, "Humina-Huh? How can you reduce fat by 300%?" You see, that means that if you ate a hotdog, for example, cooked in the Rocket Grill, it not only would contain NO fat (a 100% reduction in fat), but it would also mystically remove the fat of two more hotdogs from your body (the remaining 200%). So, if the Rocket Grill can reduce fat by 300%, it'd be the best diet plan ever! Furthermore, the rambling woman said that it would reduce cooking time by up to 300%, indicating, therefore, that if you chose to cook a five-minute hotdog in the Rocket grill, it would be ready ten minutes before you began! Now THAT's the grill for me and my hectic life!

I've sent a querie to the shopping channel, so we'll see if they respond. I have my doubts.

I also saw a little thing the other day about taking the ashes of a cremated loved one and having their carbon turned into a diamond which you can wear proudly as jewelry. I'm not sure how I feel about this whole thing. Is it any creepier than having Aunt Mable in a jar on the mantle? Still, it just seems a bit extreme, compared with the old "scattered to the wind" approach. (Personally, I hope someone has me made into a nipple ring so they can keep me close to their heart.)

(Okay, I've found another site for the Rocket Grill, and this one has two variations on the 300% theme. In one place, it says, "Cooks 3X faster*". The asterisk leads you below where they go on to explain that it means faster than oven broiling. Then it says, "Removes 3X the fat**" and **vs. pan frying hamburger. Up top, though, it says, "Cut your cooking time by 3X", which is another illogical statement. People should be careful that they say what they actually mean. Of course, people hear these types of statements and go "300%? Wow! That's amazing! Give me the number to call!" The best thing about this site? It's "hosted" by a gal named Sissy Biggers. Yep. Seriously. But it's not even porn. Not at all. Look closely and after she shares a word or two with you about the Rocket Grill, she just stands there staring vacantly at you, moving ever so slightly all the while, in a looped animation. She probably felt pretty cool filming that. "Just smile for the camera. Smile for the camera. How much freakin' longer? Just keep smiling...")