I returned to the scene of the crime (See "Near Death Experiences and Bad Spelling", perhaps against my better judgement.
I'll give you the short version.
They're out to get me.
After choosing to try a further pared down version of the ill-fated sandwich I tried to enjoy last time. This time I was excruciatingly clear, requesting no tabulae, tabbouleh, and specifically no onions or tomato. (It sounds like a dull sandwich at this point, I'm sure, but I'm fine with it.)
I ordered it with a salad. Healthy, healthy me.
So I started eating.
Mmmmm. Tasty salad goodness.
Mmmmm. Nice sandwich without onions or tomatoes. Or wood, for that matter.
Then I kept eating.
And paused, mid-chew.
I paused mid-chew with a forkful of salad in my mouth.
A forkful of salad and hair.
That's right, I said "hair".
Of course I did that, "STOP CHEWING! DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT MIGHT CAUSE YOU TO SWALLOW THE HAIR!" thing that a person does, trying to get it out of one's mouth with the tip of the tongue, all the while MORTIFIED that the tip of one's tongue is on a stranger's hair!
Those around me were dutifully mortified as I drew it from betwixt my lips.
But wait.
It ain't over yet.
Feeling the need to leave my salad behind, I went back to my sandwich which was, up to this point, quite promising.
A few bites later, all of that came to an end.
I bit down and crunched through something.
Crunched.
Would the pita crunch? No.
Would the chicken crunch? No.
Would the feta crunch? I certianly hope not.
Would the tzatziki crunch. No.
Then what had crunched, you wonder?
Oh, I'll tell you what crunched.
An onion.
That's right. Upon unravelling my wrap, I discovered that there, in the bottom half of the wrap ... LITERALLY in only the bottom half of the wrap ... there were onions. Lots and lots of onions.
Go back up there and see what I'd requested. Remember how I was very specific about what should not be found in my food? That's right. Onions were clearly on that list of banned produce.
I've decided it's time for me to take a long hiatus from visiting that restaurant, even if they DO have the most delicious herbed goat's cheese ever. Sorry, but I just can't do it any more.
They're clearly out to get me.
4 comments:
For heaven's sake man - go to a grocery store! I am CONFIDENT that you can in fact buy cheese there! (Or at least so I've been told, as been over 2 months now since my last trip to one...)
And "BTW" (that was just for you), I'm glad you're done w/ that restaurant for a while, it's not THAT brilliant yah know. I'd be happy to come visit sometime and scope out some new options!
Of course, there is another way to look at all of this... (minus the hair & wood - which do cross a line, even for me), is you could just drop the whole pallet of a small child thing and learn to like tomatoes & onions! lol
I know it's not brilliant. But it IS close to the theatre...
Maybe I SHOULD learn to like tomatoes and onions. And while I'm at it, I'll develop a real affinity for kicks in the head.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Accurate and FUNNY! I love you Jerome.
But wait! You have neglected to mention that not ONLY was there unrequested onions in your food, but a HAIR, and they only took $2 off your bill! HAIR! $2!
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